The Top 12 Bad Things About Dating a Monkey
Always "accidentally" getting his prehensile tail up your skirt.
Even when he's glad to see you, it's still just a banana in his pocket.
Music during sex can be nice, but the organ grinder's smirk is giving you the creeps.
Relieves himself in the middle of dinner -- without bothering to leave the table.
Meeting the parents.
Impossible to tell during lovemaking whether that sound is an "ook" of assent or an "ook" that means "Get your hands off me, you damned dirty human!"
Ending up a surprise guest on an "I'm Cheating on My Human Lover!" episode of Springer.
Never offers to pick up the check, even though he's the one with the high-paying job at the drug-testing lab.
Can't go to the mall without him freaking out when he sees Banana Republic.
His court-mandated attendance at "Poo-Flingers Anonymous" is really cutting into your "together" time.
Thirty seconds into his romantic serenade and those friggin' cymbals are already giving you a headache
..And the #1 Bad Thing About Dating a Monkey...
His idea of role-play sex? You dress up like
the Empire State Building and he climbs you
and swats model airplanes. |
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