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Stray Cats


Strict, Unbending Rules For Dealing With Stray Cats

1. Stray cats will not be fed.




2. Stray cats will not be fed 
anything except dry cat food.
 
 
3. Stray cats will not be fed 
anything except canned cat food.




4. Stray cats will not be fed anything 
except canned cat food, yummy treats 
and leftover fish scraps.




 
5. Stray cats will not be encouraged 
to make this house their permanent residence.




6. Stray cats will not be petted, 
played with or picked up and 
cuddled unnecessarily.




 
7. Stray cats that are petted, 
played with, picked up 
and cuddled will absolutely 
not be given a name.




8. Stray cats with or without a name 
will not be allowed inside the house at any time.




9. Stray cats will not be allowed inside 
the house except at certain times.




10. Stray cats will not be allowed 
inside the house except on days ending in y.




11. Stray cats allowed inside will 
not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen 
their claws on the furniture.




12. Stray cats will not be permitted 
to jump up on, or sharpen claws on 
the really good furniture.




13. Stray cats will be permitted on 
all furniture but must sharpen claws on 
new $114.99 sisal-rope cat-scratching post 
with three perches.




14. Stray cats will answer the 
call of nature outdoors in the sand.




15. Stray cats will answer the 
call of nature in the three-piece, high-impact 
plastic tray filled with Fresh n Sweet kitty litter.




16. Stray cats will answer the 
call of nature in the hooded litter pan 
with a three-panel privacy screen 
and plenty of head room.

17. Stray cats will sleep outside.




18. Stray cats will sleep in the garage.




19. Stray cats will sleep in the house.




20. Stray cats will sleep in a 
cardboard box lined with an old blanket.




21. Stray cats will sleep in the special 
Kitty-Komfort-Bed with non-allergenic 
lambs wool pillow.


22. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed.




23. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed, except at the foot.




24. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed 
under the covers.




25. Stray cats will not be allowed to sleep in our bed 
under the covers except at the foot.




 
26. Stray cats will not play on the desk.




27. Stray cats will not play on the desk 
near the computer.
 
 
 
 
28. Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the  
computer keyboard on the desk when the  
human is asdfjjhhkl;ljfd.;oier puyy 
kmm4hbdm9lo9jmdskdm,. USING IT. 
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