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Canada Day

Oh,

Canada!

-- 50 degrees -- New Yorkers turn on the heat. People in Canada plant gardens.

-- 40 degrees -- Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Canada sunbathe.

-- 35 degrees -- Italian cars won't start. People in Canada drive with the windows down.

-- 32 degrees -- Distilled water freezes. Canadian water gets thicker.

-- 20 degrees -- Floridians wear coats, gloves, and hats. People in Canada throw on a T-shirt.

-- 15 degrees -- Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Canada go swimming.

-- Zero degrees -- New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Canada have the last cookout before it gets cold.

-- 10 degrees below zero -- People in Miami cease to exist. People in Canada lick flagpoles.

-- 20 degrees below zero -- Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Canada throw on a light jacket.

-- 40 degrees below zero -- Hollywood disintegrates. People in Canada rent videos.

-- 60 degrees below zero -- Mt. St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.

-- 80 degrees below zero -- Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic. Canadian Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough.

-- 100 degrees below zero -- Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Canada pull down their ear flaps.

-- 173 degrees below zero -- Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Canada get frustrated when they can't thaw their kegs.

-- 297 degrees below zero -- Microbial life start to disappear. Canadian cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-- 460 degrees below zero -- ALL atomic motion stops. People in Canada start saying "Cold 'nuff for ya?"

-- 500 degrees below zero -- Hell freezes over. A Canadian team wins the Stanley Cup.

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