You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 
 
 

Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room 
this winter. Rather than just saying you are 
not amused, you shoot him. 
 
 
 

You have to write post-it notes with 
your kids' names on them. 
 
 
 
 

Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." 
And your reply, "Well, if it isn't 
Ozzie f---ing Nelson." 
 
 
 
 

The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest. 
 
 
 

You change your underwear after every sneeze.
 
 
 

You're on so much estrogen that you take your 
Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.