Martha's way #1:
Stuff miniature marshmallow in the bottom
of
a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom
of the cone,
for Pete's sake, you are probably lying
on the couch
with your feet up eating it anyway.
  
Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place
an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
My way:
Buy mashed potato mix and keep it
in the pantry for up to a year.
Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring
the baking pan,
use a bit of the dry cake mix instead
and there won't
be any white mess on the outside of
the cake.
My way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate
it for you.
Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish
while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and
it will
absorb the excess salt for an instant
"fix me up".
My way:
If you over salt a dish while you are
cooking, that's
too damn bad. My motto: I made it and
you will eat it
and I don't care how bad you think it
tastes.
Martha's way #5:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut
it in half and rub
it on your forehead. The throbbing will
go away.
My way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works
is because you
can't rub a lime on your forehead without
getting lime
juice in your eye, and then the problem
isn't the
headache anymore, it is because you
are now BLIND!
 
Martha's way #6:
Don't throw out all that leftover wine.
Freeze into
ice cubes for future use in casseroles
and sauces.
My way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does
THAT happen?
Martha's way #7:
If you have a problem opening jars:
Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip
grip
that makes opening jars easy.
My way:
Go ask the neighbor with the cute butt
to do it.
Martha's way #8:
Potatoes will take food stains off your
fingers. Just
slice and rub raw potato on the stains
and rinse.
My way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing
the antibacterial
soap in the handy dispenser next to
my sink.
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