Pass this message on to all your Girlfriends
…if you get this twice, then you have more than one girlfriend.
As the year comes to a close
I just wanted to take a moment
to review our year together and
say "Happy Holidays!"
to my girlfriends.
you helped me chase the cold away with some laughs over a glass of wine
(and some girl talk about the obvious whore across the room whose ass was way to big for the tight skirt she had on).
we watched the snow fall from the heavens
(and hired a beautiful charismatic hooker to go out with him, show him a wonderful time, promise to be in touch, and then NEVER call!)
we enjoyed the beginnings of fair weather and gracefully flew a kite in the early spring breeze
(then went home and called his wife. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is this the maid? He said to hang up if the maid answered.")
we watched the flowers begin to bloom
(and pulled them up from that perky-blond-former-cheerleader-bitch's yard across the street).
we welcomed the summer
(and I forgave you for sending me on a date with him, although he was a real gentleman… he ordered for me, let me jumbo size the fries, and carried my tray).
we did the beach house thing
(and you assured me that it didn't count. "Of course it doesn't count. We're at the beach.")
we watched the fireworks
(and set off stink bombs in front of that perky-blond-former-cheerleader-bitch's house).
we sweltered in the heat
(and you helped me pick out the best spot at the pool for viewing the hunky lifeguard).
we wished summer farewell and watched the kids go back to school
(and finally stopped calling him at 3 am – even if it was only because he changed his number).
we enjoyed the changing leaves and turned the clocks back
(and Halloween night we TP'd that perky-blond-former-cheerleader-bitch's house.)
we watched the leaves fall and ate all the Thanksgiving Turkey we could stand
(and you covered for me when the police came. "Honest, officer. She was here with me when his Mercedes caught fire.")
you gave me a copy of Girlfriends by Patrick Sanchez, a story about three girlfriends and their unending friendship
(as well as a tale of three catty bitches who bar hop, bed hop, and come together to even the score!).
Happy Holidays to My Girlfriends!
Hope 2017 Is the Best Year Yet!
SPONSORED BY GIRLFRIENDS,
A NOVEL BY PATRICK SANCHEZ
A GREAT GIFT FOR YOUR GIRLFRIENDS